A New Purpose

I once wished I could erase the image from my memory: my dad glaring at me as he turned and exited my grandfather's house when I was twelve. "I hate you!" I said to myself, as my rage pierced like a knife. "I never want to see you again!" My father and I were never extremely close, but I felt that I wanted us to be for the sake of having a relatively normal "childhood." And yet that image of him leaving is now a reminder of how much I have grown. I always had a mischievous side to me. I would talk a lot in class, complain, and disrupt others at any given moment. My rudeness or anger may have stemmed from my lack of acceptance from my dad. He always felt the need to judge or portray this "perfect Christian" image to others. He had to become a man at a young age and I think he resented that. He hated the fact I made my own decisions. He used his mouth as a weapon to kept me in line and always felt he had to belittle me to make a point. My self esteem was at an all-time low and I felt worthless. Everyday, I prayed to God that he would take me out of this situation and remove this evil from my life. The one day, my dad unleashed his fury on my mom, my brother, and me. When my life was being threatened I knew it was time for him to go. He refused to leave and we had to go through many avenues just to move him out of our house. After he finally left, it was still hard for me to pick up the pieces.

By age 13, I was hanging with a wild crowd, fighting, and doing almost anything I could do to act out. Not many people knew that because I masked my feeling really well. I couldn't be helped and I didn't want any help either. Then one day, my cousin stopped by my house and told me my best friend died of cancer. I became hostile, I kicked walls, cried, and even wished I would die myself. Here I was wasting away my life, not caring about my family or friends and my best friend was now gone too soon. After the funeral service was over I made a complete 18o. "It's time for a fresh start," I told myself. Miraculously, my anger subsided and was replaced with happiness and joy. Each semester of high school brought better grades. Then before you knew it I graduated high school and college at the top of my class. I felt a guardian angel watching over me. My life is not perfect by no means, but I decided to take each day one step at a time. Despite my obstacles the only person who can judge me is God. He knows my heart and he has carried me through life's many obstacles.